Ladies, are you tired of being disrespected? Is your vagina holding you back? Tired of being denied your equal rights because of your genitalia?
WHAT YOU NEED IS SOME COCKFIDENCE!
Introducing the EQUALIDICK. A portable penis you can pull out for those moments when your vagina simply doesn’t cut it. Just listen to how Equalidick has changed the lives of these women:
“I was on the subway the other day and two men sat on either side of me and my infant son. They were taking up so much room! One man’s elbow was actually resting on my child’s head! I pulled my Equalidick out of my purse and both men moved. I had the whole seat to myself! Thanks, Equalidick! ~ Jill
“I have the same job title as a male colleague, my credentials are better, and I have more experience, yet my colleague earns more. The other day my boss asked me to clean the breakroom. I showed my boss my Equalidick. He had no idea I had a white dick and apologized. I got a raise! Thanks, Equalidick. I’m finally a respected member of my office.” ~ Aisha
“I was minding my own business at the bus stop after a long day at work when a stranger approached. He was smiling and saying something, but I couldn’t hear him because I had headphones in my ears. I wanted to enjoy a few minutes of peaceful solitude before having to cook dinner and bathe the kids. The stranger insisted on speaking with me so I removed my ear buds. He said I should smile more because I looked mad. I pulled out my Equalidick and smacked him in the face with it, which totally made me smile. Thanks, Equalidick! ~ Carly
Order your Equalidick today and we’ll send the MEDIDICK free of charge. Use your Medidick to secure your reproductive rights by simply shoving it into the ass of any politician or right-wing religious extremist.
“My employer denied me the right to the birth control pills I take to treat my endometriosis. I shoved my Medidick up his ass and filled my birth control prescription that same day! Thanks, Equalidick! ~ Sophia
But wait, there’s more! In addition to the Equalidick and Medidick, you’ll receive the Equalizer. A keychain Equalidick filled with pepper spray for self-defense. Just aim at your attacker and squeeze to release a powerful, assault stopping, burning, peppery jizz.
“A man grabbed my ass in the mall parking lot. I pulled out my Equalizer Equalidick and sprayed his face. Talk about a money shot! He gagged and was temporarily blinded giving me time to escape. Thanks, Equalidick! ~Tracy
*Equalidick is available in a variety of colors. Dishwasher safe. Makes a great gift for anyone with a vagina.
*To maximum your equality benefits, Equalidick recommends you order the Caucasian model.
NOTE- It’s been brought to my attention that this post might come across as transphobic by implying that dicks are male and can’t be female. I would like to point out that this post is satire, and does not intend to suggest that dick = male nor is it meant to be transphobic. My sincere apologies.