Fifteen Frightening Females

Why a top fifteen list instead of the standard top ten? Because I like alliteration and I don’t care who says it’s amateur. Besides, top ten lists are widely abused in the blogosphere.

There is no shortage of frightening women in the world of fiction so it was difficult to bestow this honor on a mere fifteen. To quote a famous physicist, “Bitches be crazy.” -Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Without further ado, and in no particular order because homicidal crazy is hard to rank, my top fifteen frightening females of horror are:

15. Ms. Ganush from the 2009 horror film, Drag Me to Hell. This is one woman you don’t want to cross. If Thinner didn’t learn you not to mess with Gypsies, maybe this movie will.

14. Mrs. Vorhees. The original antagonist in the Friday the 13th film franchise who spawned the murderous, hockey mask-wearing maniac Jason Vorhees and 12 more films in the series. OCD sufferers the world over hold out hope for one more film.

13. Olivia Foxworth, the grandmother from V. C. Andrews’ 1979 best-selling novel, Flowers in the Attic. It doesn’t pay to be a child in any V. C. Andrews novel. No need to fear the boogie man when you have family members like these.

12. Margaret White, courtesy of the master of horror Stephen King and his novel, Carrie. Carrie is a teenager pushed to the limits by bullying peers and an abusive mother. While Carrie certainly needs no introduction, her mom somehow fades in the aftermath of the revenge that was Carrie’s senior prom. However, we can’t ignore the fact that there’s a reason why psychopaths’ relationships to their mothers are so often heavily scrutinized.

11. Professor Dolores Umbridge, Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I would have included her on this list even if all she was guilty of was an obsessive use of the color pink, her nails on metal voice, and for being a crazy cat plate lady.

10. Cersei Lannister, from G. R. R. Martin’s, A Song of Ice and Fire. She’s crazy meets spoiled brat of the medieval sort. She gets what she wants or you get your head on a spike. She wields the weapon of drama with deadly precision using intrigue, along with her womanly wiles, to gain power over the seven kingdoms. But don’t be tempted by this femme fatale. She prefers to keep it in the family.

9. Mrs. Lovett, the madame of meat pies from Sweeney Todd. Still think women should get back in the kitchen?

8. Annie Wilkes, from Misery, also from Stephen King. IT wouldn’t even mess with Annie. She really loves to read. Here’s to number one fans!

7. Regan MacNeil, possessed child from The Exorcist, by William Peter Blatty 1971. If you’re still hungry after Mrs. Lovett’s meat pies, might I recommend the pea soup?

6. Any one of Jessica Lange’s characters on the hit TV show from FX, American Horror Story. This show has definitely raised the wtf bar, in my opinion, and Jessica Lange is bloody brilliant.

5. The entire pagan village in the Wicker Man. Technically not a single female, but they’re rocking the hive mentality so well I felt I could get away with putting them on the list.

4. Hayley Stark played by Elliott Page in the film Hard Candy. Meet your judge, jury, and vigilante torturer, fourteen-year-old Hayley. You’ve just been found guilty. Good luck.

3. Samara from The Ring. Whoa. This kid needs a time out. We do not crawl out of TVs in order to satisfy our homicidal rage in a respectable society, young lady.

2. The Grudge. This woman makes my ass shrivel.

1. Alice Spages from Alice Sweet Alice, 1976 American slasher. Saw this film when I was a kid, and to this day, yellow rain coats make me shudder.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s