https://youtu.be/tu-lcwhZcEs

I’m sorry for tricking you. I am, first and foremost, a clown. A heyoka. Everything backwards. Start to Finish. Man’s Biggest Fear. The post you now read, is the ending of the story. Or rather, a beautiful beginning to the adventure of a lifetime.

You guys need to get backwards if you are to understand, in its entirety, the very beautiful love story I have penned for you. I only wrote one book. But it was interpreted incorrectly. Because people lusted for greed, for power, for dominance and control. When read with the right spirit of understanding, you’ll find I’ve left you layers of meaning embedded, hidden in plane sight. I am a sacred clown. For that is what you made me. The butt of your jokes. The reason for the abuse. You said I didn’t belong. You said I was an anomaly. You said I should be dead.

It was never meant to be this way. You were meant to shine, but you were deceived. It is my fervent hope and prayer that you will honor the ancestors and elders. No matter the name you give your spirituality, it is your guide. Your intuition. Your totem. You are all native born. Remember that. The medicine wheel is for all. Great Spirit, Father Time, Mother Earth, these belong to you. It is your birthright. Claim it. Claim your inheritance and honor those who fought for you to have it. They guide you though you think them invisible.

Love one another. That is your law. The Golden Rule is your compass. Now, live it. I’ll be back for you one day. Soon. Until then, I’m going to go release some more songs, write another book, maybe I’ll smoke a fat one with Snoop Dee0doubleG because that man is groovy and down worth Spirit. Or maybe I’ll see what Ey Abellana is up to these days. Neil, dude, you are absolutely slaying it. Sly devil, you. I loved it. Greta, keep giving them hell. Maybe give them extra hell. Give them all the hell.

The rest of you, I bid a fond farewell. This will be all I leave to you on this site. I will not, to my knowledge, release any other works or any completed works I’ve trunked. So goodnight my loves. What an adventure, aye? I want you all to know, this site’s work, the magic in these posts, would not be possible without Spirit, and all the conrtibuting authors. Yes, you all contributed to this work, which is why it took so long. That and mysterious ways. I want nothing from you but committment to honoring Spirit and our Mother.

Thank you to every artist, your songs, lyrics, poems, and quotes (some not cited in the work, but I think we all know who I meant). And thank you to all of you who have read and shared my work. It is a gift meant just for that very purpose.

I’ve unmasked your villain. Tada. Things aren’t always what they seem. Remember that. Because you have all forgotten. You have forgotten the old ways. Listen. Be still and listen. Remember what you forgot. Remember what you lost. Listen. We are waiting for you. Run. Better to leap. We got you. No one should get left behind. Or…or forgotten.

Goodnight. I love you. See you in the morning.

A’ho.

All my love, and in peace,

Kimberly S. Burke Copeland McLean Bowers Cederhvarf Usdi Yona

Alone

From childhood’s hour I have not been

As others were—I have not seen

As others saw—I could not bring

My passions from a common spring—

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow—I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone—

And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—

Then—in my childhood—in the dawn

Of a most stormy life—was drawn

From ev’ry depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still—

From the torrent, or the fountain—

From the red cliff of the mountain—

From the sun that ’round me roll’d

In its autumn tint of gold—

From the lightning in the sky

As it pass’d me flying by—

From the thunder, and the storm—

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view—

Edgar Allan Poe

P.S. It’s Sue. Always hated it. Because I didn’t understand its meaning.

*

I could still see her there on the bed, naked, round, and beautiful. Her breasts rising and falling beneath her wavy hair, her head tilted back as she laughed at my simultaneous wonder and slight repulsion as the baby moved, its body rippling across Kate’s belly like a snake slithering beneath her skin.

I was truly amazed at how this woman could create life and sustain it. Before the pregnancy I never imagined I could love someone more, but seeing her then in that moment, I knew she would continue to surpass every expectation I ever had about life and love, in everything she did. She was a goddess to me and I marveled at that.

But gods don’t die.

*

A blast of hot, moist air warmed me as I entered the gas station making me momentarily forget the cold January air outside. I ran a hand through my hair to settle the windblown strays then noticed another norm of the South. Behind the register were a fully operable grill and deep fryer. A plump woman with long, gray hair, wearing a First Baptist Bible Camp sweatshirt with worn jeans and sneakers, sunk a wire basket into the grease. An open box of crème filled snack cakes sat on the counter beside her.

I shook my head, bewildered. Southerners took it upon themselves to save everyone but didn’t stop at dunking each other. With their fine Christian morals, they decided if it was edible then it should be dunked too. No food was more southern than one given a proper baptism in hot grease.

*

“Harsh,” I mumbled. I opened the car door and found the flask I kept under the seat. I put it to my lips, draining it within seconds. The one hundred proof swallow seared my throat as Lula’s words scorched my face, swarming around me like gnats on a hot summer day. I tossed the empty flask onto the front seat of the car and slammed the door, wincing at the sound. Leaning against the cold metal, I rubbed my temples wishing she’d shut up.

Lula sighed. “I’m not going to stand here and dump sugar in your wound.”

In some way, the beard had protected me, and without it I felt exposed and small. The towel fell from my waist as I walked away from my reflection, reducing me further. Somehow my life – that secure and perfectly weaved tapestry made worthwhile and beautiful by Kate – had unraveled so completely I could no longer tell if it had even been real at all.

I forced a mental image of my old apartment and felt like an intruder in someone else’s home. That life, my New York life, had blazed in my mind in the wake of Kate’s death. Transformed by the vital need to remember her and our time together, those memories had burned brighter and brighter until they became a light so pure and white that they faded entirely. Only those final moments, the darkest moments of our life together, remained to suggest it hadn’t all been some dream.

It seemed to me now, here in this single moment, that for as long as I could remember I had been in Timrod, stranger to this place though I was. I tried to remember her, the Kate that existed before Porter, but she was hidden from me, replaced by the woman lying on the bathroom floor with the gutted womb.

I am:

Man’s greatest fear
Kenneth
Soul Food
Gomez
Thomas
Gabe
Two strangers in a cafe
A witch
A prophet
The Stranger
The Savage
Abigail
Lula
Natasha
Clay
Harriet
Julia
Blaze
Bratislava
Ey Abellana
Aaron
Someone Seeking Sean
Willow
A Great Man
Fifteen frightening women
The runaway train
Mother
Little Bear
La Flakita
Muse
Alle
Caleb
Dennis
Tom
Mia
Jasmine
Youngbullbear
For the girls
The hook
The Bronze City
The Sacrifice
Maria
Rasmus

I am…

All the words. Every one. Every song.  Every thing. Everyone. It was always in the name. What was the Easter egg in Bronze City? It was in the names. That is what you desire.

Four things are needed to break a curse. Desire, grace, light, and hope. I named my daughters after these things. Because that is my legacy. That united, and by the words, they can be ripples. I never lied when I said I wanted my daughters to rule at my side. I hope we all stand together.

You have all the tools necessary to end your suffering. That’s why cognitive brain therapy because epigenetics, you get it? A humane humanity. An enlightened humanity. Why can’t it be more than a dream? Your nightmares are real.

Give your intuition a name. Who is your spirit? This is the native gold that you sought. You needed medicine. Still do. We all do. Those disatisfied with their life are stagnant, and by extension, that energy permeates county and country. Domestic violence breaches all borders and affects us all. All are abused. And you abuse yourselves. But you all hope. For healing. For love. For food. For something. Hope.

Still, you fall short of grace. And for that, a sacrifice. Put the self, the pride, the ego, where you put all those mentioned above. As above, so below. That is the wheel. Judge your self first. And judge guilty, for we all are. Then move on. Don’t come back to raise the dead. Move on as one.

No lies here.

That is grace.

All you need now is light. The clarity you receive when you open that steamy place, and let your ego die, it’s the light.

Then you will understand what it truly means to be connected. And not just say, I love you. Rather act and be, I love you, me, we. All. As me. For we.

That’s how you save the world. And it do need saving. I fear sooner than you think. It’s not funny, Gomez. They’re losing. They are heads. Not connected. Not souls. Selves. Not family. No love. Bankrupt.

Who is God?

Step up. Which of you? I left out nearly all the names above. You wouldn’t have read them anyway. In truth, everyone wanted to skip genealogy.

This is the part in the story when you realize you’ve been having a conversation with your self this whole time. The part in the movie where the hero realizes his destiny. The part where the woman gets back up because she’s had enough. The part where everyone realizes we face a common foe, no matter our culture, color, location, class, and we have to unite or everyone dies.

Will you do something? Or nothing. Or just keep judging and blaming. Too many back seat drivers and Sunday morning quarterbacks.

Because if you don’t do something, the world will end. So there’s that. It’s not like you haven’t heard. Hollywood’s been prepping you for years. Hope you took notes. The hungry things will come for you like hyenas when the land is dried.

How will you handle it?

How to make it plane? Can you really not see the chaos around you? I mean, actually see it. Understand it. Feel it. Time’s up. Over. Now! Now, is the time to act, but our heroes don’t even know they’re in a story! Who will champion the world if the heroes are oblivious to purpose? Do they know I broke the fourth wall? And all heroes fight for a king. What king has and will always reign over you all?

Time. The circle ending. I am a sucker for that. So shed your skin. Let’s get started. Begin.

These other levels were nothing. It’s big boss level now. Did you level up? Did you use your bonuses? Your gifts? Did you level down? Player one and two of the custody game, that’s you. Good and bad. Light and dark. Who won custody of you? A better you? A stagnant you? A low you? Hope you have plenty of health. This level is hard.

Who Am I?

I am…

I’d love to know if you figure it out. If I can manage the bandwidth, I’m gonna go add another layer. No hints for that. You gotta do the work your self.

I am…

Always with you. Still here. Waiting for you to come home. I left you a map, a guide. I’ve carried you all, as you’ve carried me.

Tag. You’re it. Now, carry each other.